Perfectionism and me

some crap about my perfectionism...

Step 1: In your journal, answer the following questions:

a. What characteristics of perfectionism are true for me? How do these perfectionistic traits impede my efforts to change my problematic behavior?

"It is unacceptable to make a mistake. I have no value in life unless I am successful. There is no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly, e.g., ``I don't attempt things I can't do well.'' I am a human being prone to error, frailty and imperfections; The ideal is what is real; unless I reach the ideal I am a failure. You must always reach the ideal no matter what. If those in authority say this is the way it is supposed to be, then that is the way it is supposed to be. "


These negative and perfectionist traits impede my efforts by reminding me that I am prone to error and not perfect until it's a self-fulfilling prophecy and I just get depressed about it.




b. What irrational beliefs of perfectionists do I ascribe to? How do these beliefs influence my desire to change? How do these beliefs contribute to a failure script in my efforts to change? What rational alternatives can I adopt to reduce the negative impact of perfectionism in my life?

Sometimes I want to change, but I always feel like it's too hard, and I never will achieve what I set out to do anyway so there's no point in trying.. Or sometimes, others are so great at what they do that they never have to go through any of the things that I experience.

c. What are the negative consequences of perfectionism in my life? What am I doing to address these negative issues in my life? How do these negative issues affect my past and current efforts to change my problematical behavior?

I end up feeling really bad about dumb things that other people could care less about, and I spend hours upon hours beating myself up for things that aren't worth the drama. When I feel stupid, I'm even less motivated to change my behavior because it sends me into a sort of low-self-esteem and depression spiral. This can get really bad, as it usually does in winter.

d. What new rational behavior do I need to develop in order to overcome the negative impact of perfectionism? How will these new behavior traits help me to fully achieve change in my life?

I need to accept that one mistake is not the end of the world. I already know that it's not because I've screwed things up before. And the more pressure I put on myself to succeed without incident, the more nervous and more likely I am to fuck things up. If I could just relax and be a little more low key, perhaps people would like me better as well, and then I could be happier in my life in addition to being less of a high-strung person.

e. How can my social support system help me in overcoming my perfectionistic attitude? What contributes to perfectionism in my support system? What changes in my support system would reduce its perfectionistic character?

I don't know anyone in my own life who isn't a perfectionist. P. might not be, but I know my mom is, and I suspect the same thing is true of my dad. It affects them in different ways, however. If I could deal less with them, then I'd probably be less likely to feel worthless. But it's not their fault.. it's an internal punishment thing I seem to do.
f. How does dealing with my perfectionism help me in my efforts to change? How well does perfectionism explain why past attempts to change have failed?

If all human beings are imperfect, yet one must reach the ideal at all times and all costs, how can this theory be correct? It seems fundamentally flawed. Even the theory of perfectionism itself is imperfect! Crazy.

That just further cements the idea that nothing really has the capacity to be perfect. So why do I even try to be perfect? Because I want to.. but I end up so frustrated. I should just try to be me and let that be good enough.



I'm still workin on things here.